1. People who slurp their tea and then sign with satifaction afterward, surely the point of a cup is that you can tilt the contents into your mouth.
2. Text speak being used outside of a text message e.g txt, l8r etc.
3. Text speak being used within a text message.
4. People who are crap at telling stories and yet still constantly tell stories.
5. Buying taytos and then finding out they're soft.
6. When all the ads on telly are synchronised on every channel.
7. People who constantly drive 20 miles an hour slower than the speed limit.
8. Auld ones who never look before crossing the road, even if you dare beep at them, they can't hear you.
9. Having a free seat on the bus next you and at the next stop, the wrank smelly overweight alcoholic wobbles past all the other free seats and decides to sit down next you, for the next 200miles.
10. People who call their pets their children
11. People who make facebook pages for their pets.
12. When you stop to talk to someone you know in the street but they keep walking.
13. Women automatically assuming they can do better
14. Marty Whelan's moustache.
15. Gossipers
16. Ads on tv that make you feel guilty.
17. The way people say Goodbye a hundred times on the phone, i.e Okay yeah, byebyebyebyebyebye bye byebyebye ding.
18. Jehova's who never laugh at my joke; "Have you found jesus?" "yes, he was behind the couch".
19. People who talk about their children constantly and are convinced their child is gifted, despite the fact the child is rolling in dog shite as you talk them.
20. When the music in a night club gets really loud just as a girl tells you her name and number so you miss it.
21. Men who have long finger nails.
22. Asking someone to repeat themselves more than twice.
23. The smell from bacon and cabbage.
24. Bacon and cabbage.
25. The person who invented bacon and cabbage.
26. the way people who wear glasses all the time, look completely different when they take them off, makes me think they are in disguise the whole time.
27. Hangovers.
28. People who pronounce; thesaurus, 'tess are us'.
29. Fair city.
30. Actors in fair city, I use the term actors incredibly loosely.
31. Ponchos.
32. Arrogance and assumption.
33. The accordian.
34. Uncle Ben ads.
35. People who over prononce their wh's, WHat WHo Where, shut up.
36. Birds that don't fly off when your driving towards them, and eventually they do but they've left it too late, so you hit one by accident and then feel guilty.
37. Being by a window seat on a train when its night time, no matter what you do, you end up making eye contact with someone, you can't look ahead, you can next to you, so you look out the window, big mistake, you eyeballs are reflected into someone right across the carriage.
38. Jordan, the woman not the country, Kerry Katona aswell.
39. Eating soup and having nowhere to look.
40. Prick teasing.
41. Arguments that start like thus; "What you thinking about?" "nothing", "You must be thinking about something?" "I'm not", "Why don't you talk to me?" "I do, I'm not thinking about anything" "Then why are you getting angry?" "because you keep asking me stupid questions?" "Your a pain" "Argh! I didn't start this".
42. Women who confuse politeness with chauvenism.
43. Poor production values.
44. Andy Murray.
45. Requests on facebook that end with the phrase, 'most people won't put this on their profile, but will you?' will you ever just feck off.
46. Honda Civics.
47. Bad shit music.
48.Constipation.
49. Diarrhoea.
50. Meeting someone you haven't met in ages and the suddenly realising why you haven't met in ages, the person is a plank.
51. Women who change their mind about anything all the time.
52. Tripping up embarraingly, arse, legs, arms and head all over the place.
53. Standing on a up-turned plug.
54. Not being able to get the temperature in the shower just right.
55. Watching a great film and the minute a sex scene begins the fact that your parents magically call in to ask if you'd like some tea.
56. First dates, for instance going to the cinema and deciding to see a film called 9 songs, what could possibly be offensive about a film called 9 songs, aaaaahhh this is just fecking typical...
57. The way women think we are the crazy ones.
58. Sitting on your balls, or a ball by accident, but being somewhere where you can't just roar, you have to sit and endure the stomach wrenching pain.
59. The horse woman from sex and the city
60. Bruno Mars being able to make money from shit that I could write after a lobotomy.
61. Lighting a huge lump of Magnesium and being at the age that you have no idea why lighting Magnesium really is a bad idea.
62. Deserving a medal but never getting one, Mutley I feel your pain.
63. Some Modern art where a bit of dirt on the ground is called an 'installation' and then worth 10 grand plus.
64. Most of the new age shite thats out there, for instance being able to get a new age book with 'free magical gems', no.1
free gems just doesn't sound right and no.2
free magical gems? don't make me sick
65. Being made sick.
66. Unrequited like.
67. People whose knowledge about David and Victoria Unnecessarilywealthyham's lives surpass's their understanding of what gravity does.
68. The no.68.
69. Milky tea.
70. Listening to a joke I've already heard, that was shite the first time too.
71. Being made to partake in a magic trick that I used to do myself, better.
72. My inability to stop myself from doing magic tricks when after a few too many.
73. People who blame being absolutely out of their heads drunk, on the fresh air, thats right yeah, its the feckin fresh air, nothing at all to do with the banquet of booze you had in the club.
74. Men over 18 with velcro wallets.
75. Pad locks on clothing, bras are hard enough to get off a times, nevermind padlocks on the rest of clothes aswell.
76. People who know more about what your doing than you do.
77. War.
78. Midges.
79. Shaving.
80. Israel's foreign policy.
81. The way David Davin Power never seems to need to blink.
82. The fact that porridge seems to never end, you eat spoon after spoon and yet it seems like you've made no inroads into it all, the miracle food indeed.
83. People who don't smoke telling me, smoking will kill me, yeah well, this smoker will kill you, now bog off
84. The feeling you get when you realise that the decision that you made that just seconds ago that seemed to be perfectly resonable, is now about to result is severe and instant pain.
85. People who tuck their jeans into their white socks.
86. Anything with an exoskeleton.
87. Angelia Jolie, she never rang me the next morning even though she said she would.
88. People who wearing sunglassses indoors.
89. Cruelty to animals.
90. Not getting the exact amount of petrol/diesel into my car and missing it by over 5 cent and then wondering should I offer to pay the difference or will they let me off.
91. Being offered whether you want mayo or butter on your sandwich, you clearly say butter but still get mayo.
92. The Gilmore girls
92. Incontinuity
93. Not having the right equipment to finish your perpetual motion machine.
94. Thinking of the perfect thing to say to someone five minutes after they're gone.
95. Jazz.
96. Justin Beaver's (or whatever it is) whole being.
97. When you lose something, the way people say; "well its always the last place you look" obviously you ape, I'm hardly going to find it and then continue to look, now am I?
98. The way things were always easier in the back in good auld days, my arse.
99. Celebrities used as experts on talk shows.
100. Comedy done in list form
