Drinky Drink Drunk

Alcohol the cause of and solution to all of life's little problems", as stated by Homer. It is said that the Eskimos have 40 words for snow (which they don't, they have one- snow) but the point is that they have a lot of snow around them. Considering this, how many words do we have for drunk? Lets see, there's drunk, pissed, locked, polluted, rat-arsed, fuck-faced, blotto, rotten, out of your skull, oscillified, wasted, shellified (to be a shell of a man), scuttered, drowned, boozed, well on, inebriated, intoxicated, under the influence, three sheets to the wind, tanked up, cut, well oiled, fried, pixilated (my personal favourite), plastered, blind, paralytic, legless, sloshed, smashed, stocious, langers, bolloxed, flaming, off ones face and or tits, and they are just the ones I can remember at the time of writing this. Please feel free to add to this list. This shows us that we, like snow to the Eskimos, are surrounded by drink and drunkiness. Now I myself are a happy member of this clan of people (not Eskimos I mean drinkers) and I do enjoy a good night out, I rarely however go out with the mindset that I will get 'out of my tree' (theres another one) it just snakes up on you. One minute grand the next floored (and another one). The theory that I hear quite often about this is the one of "it was the fresh air that did it to me" is a ridiculous statement to make. It wasn't the fresh air it was the banquet of booze you had in the pub that did it. The miracle of Alcohol is its power to make every decision made to be perfectly fine. What I mean by this is the way that part of your mind, the part that normally controls your actions, becomes smaller and smaller until it is merely a wee echo in the back of your head. It starts to say things like, "aaah now Nick you know this isn't a good idea, in fact this is the worst idea you ever had, that tree is really quite tall and its beside a quite deep river and its branches are quite weak and its home to the deadly eagle owl who's in heat at the moment, trust me here...". Eventually this voice is replaced by one that says,"don't listen to that, this is infact the greatest idea you have ever had, nothing can possibily go wrong, besides look at the tree its practically mocking you with its tallness, do it Nick make it happen, do it...". All that stuff about drinking being bad for your memory is a load of rubbish, being bad for your memory is a load of rubbish, is a load of. . .what was I saying again ah well.